I'm venturing out into uncharted territory in my life: church shopping. I've never had to do this before, never even thought about it, as a matter of fact. But, the time has come that I'm at that point in my life where I need to do it. It hurts to do it. It's like I'm betraying an old friend: I was brought up in this church, confirmed in this church, traveled the country with this church, was married in this church, and had all three of my kids baptized at this church... but it really doesn't feel like this church is my church anymore. And that makes me sad.
So how does one go about finding a new church? There are SO many questions that I don't even know how to start. I would like some place that's local, so I don't have to travel a ton to get there. But should I stay with someplace that's within the Methodist Church? Do I have to? Can I go to another denomination? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. Truth be told, I'm not sure if I'll be able to find a "church home" after 30+ years with one church being my home.
I want my kids to have a church to call "home" the way that I did. With Tom being a non-practicing Catholic, I'm the one that has to do this for them. I hope that I can find a place that they like to go to and WANT to go to.
The strangest part of this whole experience for me is how all-consuming it is. I'm not sure WHY that is, because I've not thought myself to be all that religious... but I almost feel as if I was betrayed by my family, and that's why I need to leave. The way I told it to a friend was that I feel like a sheep without a flock. I don't so much need a good shepard right now, but a flock would be nice.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Losing Faith
I've been thinking about this for a long time, but have never had the desire to put my thoughts to paper (er, screen) about this until now. For reasons that I don't want known at the moment, I'll be keeping part of this veiled in secrecy, so don't get all up in arms about why I'm being somewhat vague about certain things here.
I'm very annoyed. I'm annoyed with people who are supposed to be good, honest, caring people who are letting those who may be less than that represent them. No, I'm not talking about politics, but unfortunately, the situation has become political. WHY the need for a power play lately? It makes those of us who are on the fringe feel even MORE on the fringe.
I feel that some people are being dishonest with those they are dealing with. THIS is not the group that I love. These kind of actions are those of power-hungry individuals who want to have things their way or the highway. Really? Is THIS the best way to be dealing with this? THIS will not make for a stronger whole, but rather, I think, it will be cutting up an already shaky, unstable group of people and helping those who are on the fringe to feel like NOW is the time to jump ship. You DON'T help a struggling ship sail by gutting it. By telling people who are working on the ship that they'll be leaving port ...only to sail away in the middle of the night without them.
Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I may jump ship. I don't want to take lots of years of my life and have to start over... but how many times do you put up with this crap and hang on for a better day? At what point do you just say "it's been a good run, but it's time to part ways"?
I'm very annoyed. I'm annoyed with people who are supposed to be good, honest, caring people who are letting those who may be less than that represent them. No, I'm not talking about politics, but unfortunately, the situation has become political. WHY the need for a power play lately? It makes those of us who are on the fringe feel even MORE on the fringe.
I feel that some people are being dishonest with those they are dealing with. THIS is not the group that I love. These kind of actions are those of power-hungry individuals who want to have things their way or the highway. Really? Is THIS the best way to be dealing with this? THIS will not make for a stronger whole, but rather, I think, it will be cutting up an already shaky, unstable group of people and helping those who are on the fringe to feel like NOW is the time to jump ship. You DON'T help a struggling ship sail by gutting it. By telling people who are working on the ship that they'll be leaving port ...only to sail away in the middle of the night without them.
Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I may jump ship. I don't want to take lots of years of my life and have to start over... but how many times do you put up with this crap and hang on for a better day? At what point do you just say "it's been a good run, but it's time to part ways"?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Magic Number...
So this will be my 14th post in this blog... a new record for me. No blog that I've had has ever had this many posts. How pathetic.
We spent the day dealing with a lot of tears. Aren't holiday weekends supposed to be fun and relaxing? Not here. One of my boys spent the morning crying that he didn't want to go to the city (which he had told me previously that he wanted to do), but this child is famous within these walls for changing his mind... so I got all ready, fully expecting him to change his mind like he usually does. But he didn't budge this time, darnit. So I'm all excited to go, and he's put a total wet blanket on the "fun day with mom". Thanks, buddy. Love you too. So instead we went to Costco and bought large quantities of artichoke dip and cheese crackers. Thrilling.
After lunch, the other son decides that he's been left out of this morning's fun of crying, so now it's his turn. Oh goody. I couldn't even tell you what set it off. But all of a sudden, we're in the throws of "You HATE me!" "You do everything you can to make me miserable!" Dangit, he's caught on (and if you think I'm serious, stop reading my blog). I told him that if I really hated him, I would make him sleep outside, to which he responded, "Dad is the reason I don't. He loves me more than you do." There is no response to this nonsense. So I told him that he was being ridiculous and the conversation was over. What else could I do? I cannot have a conversation with someone that irrational and full of tears for no apparent reason.
What does a mom do? He KNOWS I love him, and, when he's more rational, he tells me he knows it. It's not as if I ignore him, or make him sleep in the basement, or any other number of ways that would legitimately make life miserable. But OH, the angst of being almost eight years old. I thought this was only girls who led lives of drama like this.
We spent the day dealing with a lot of tears. Aren't holiday weekends supposed to be fun and relaxing? Not here. One of my boys spent the morning crying that he didn't want to go to the city (which he had told me previously that he wanted to do), but this child is famous within these walls for changing his mind... so I got all ready, fully expecting him to change his mind like he usually does. But he didn't budge this time, darnit. So I'm all excited to go, and he's put a total wet blanket on the "fun day with mom". Thanks, buddy. Love you too. So instead we went to Costco and bought large quantities of artichoke dip and cheese crackers. Thrilling.
After lunch, the other son decides that he's been left out of this morning's fun of crying, so now it's his turn. Oh goody. I couldn't even tell you what set it off. But all of a sudden, we're in the throws of "You HATE me!" "You do everything you can to make me miserable!" Dangit, he's caught on (and if you think I'm serious, stop reading my blog). I told him that if I really hated him, I would make him sleep outside, to which he responded, "Dad is the reason I don't. He loves me more than you do." There is no response to this nonsense. So I told him that he was being ridiculous and the conversation was over. What else could I do? I cannot have a conversation with someone that irrational and full of tears for no apparent reason.
What does a mom do? He KNOWS I love him, and, when he's more rational, he tells me he knows it. It's not as if I ignore him, or make him sleep in the basement, or any other number of ways that would legitimately make life miserable. But OH, the angst of being almost eight years old. I thought this was only girls who led lives of drama like this.
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