Losing Faith

I've been thinking about this for a long time, but have never had the desire to put my thoughts to paper (er, screen) about this until now. For reasons that I don't want known at the moment, I'll be keeping part of this veiled in secrecy, so don't get all up in arms about why I'm being somewhat vague about certain things here.

I'm very annoyed. I'm annoyed with people who are supposed to be good, honest, caring people who are letting those who may be less than that represent them. No, I'm not talking about politics, but unfortunately, the situation has become political. WHY the need for a power play lately? It makes those of us who are on the fringe feel even MORE on the fringe.

I feel that some people are being dishonest with those they are dealing with. THIS is not the group that I love. These kind of actions are those of power-hungry individuals who want to have things their way or the highway. Really? Is THIS the best way to be dealing with this? THIS will not make for a stronger whole, but rather, I think, it will be cutting up an already shaky, unstable group of people and helping those who are on the fringe to feel like NOW is the time to jump ship. You DON'T help a struggling ship sail by gutting it. By telling people who are working on the ship that they'll be leaving port ...only to sail away in the middle of the night without them.

Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I may jump ship. I don't want to take lots of years of my life and have to start over... but how many times do you put up with this crap and hang on for a better day? At what point do you just say "it's been a good run, but it's time to part ways"?

Magic Number...

So this will be my 14th post in this blog... a new record for me. No blog that I've had has ever had this many posts. How pathetic.

We spent the day dealing with a lot of tears. Aren't holiday weekends supposed to be fun and relaxing? Not here. One of my boys spent the morning crying that he didn't want to go to the city (which he had told me previously that he wanted to do), but this child is famous within these walls for changing his mind... so I got all ready, fully expecting him to change his mind like he usually does. But he didn't budge this time, darnit. So I'm all excited to go, and he's put a total wet blanket on the "fun day with mom". Thanks, buddy. Love you too. So instead we went to Costco and bought large quantities of artichoke dip and cheese crackers. Thrilling.

After lunch, the other son decides that he's been left out of this morning's fun of crying, so now it's his turn. Oh goody. I couldn't even tell you what set it off. But all of a sudden, we're in the throws of "You HATE me!" "You do everything you can to make me miserable!" Dangit, he's caught on (and if you think I'm serious, stop reading my blog). I told him that if I really hated him, I would make him sleep outside, to which he responded, "Dad is the reason I don't. He loves me more than you do." There is no response to this nonsense. So I told him that he was being ridiculous and the conversation was over. What else could I do? I cannot have a conversation with someone that irrational and full of tears for no apparent reason.

What does a mom do? He KNOWS I love him, and, when he's more rational, he tells me he knows it. It's not as if I ignore him, or make him sleep in the basement, or any other number of ways that would legitimately make life miserable. But OH, the angst of being almost eight years old. I thought this was only girls who led lives of drama like this.

A Quiet House

So it's the first "real" day of school. Yeah, the boys went yesterday, but it was only for an hour and a half. This morning, I had to make them lunches (and had to remember who had what lunchbox, since they are both new this year) and get them out the door WITH their lunches. I didn't put any sort of a note in their lunches (but maybe I should have?) to tell them how much I love them and all that stuff... but then I remember, they're BOYS. They might not even use the napkin that I've written the little note on, much less READ it (I can hear it now: "Ugh, MORE reading?" Thanks Will, love you too, buddy.).

I have friends who get all weepy and sad when their kids go to school, but I'm not one of those types. Why should I be sad? The boys would much rather be at school than stuck at home for yet another day hanging out with me and their sister who has to nap in the afternoons. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time this summer, but it was definitely, DEFINITELY time to go back to school. They need it, I need it. It makes me a better parent, a better person. Not to mention what it does for them. They get to spend their day with kids they like, learning cool stuff, with teachers they love.

The house is strangely quiet during Meredith's nap. My husband, who works from home most days, has no radio on today, so it's REALLY quiet. I can hear him eating chips. I can hear the dog dreaming about something. The keystrokes on my keyboard sound especially loud. I know this will all change in an hour, but this is like a strange break from reality. It's one of the joys of late summer.

You'll not find me wiping tears from my eyes when my kids go back to school. Their going to school is one of the benefits of parenthood. I've raised kids who are smart, funny, and independent when they need to be. What more could I ask for?

T minus 19 hours and counting...

Until my boys go back to school. Not that I'm counting or anything.

This summer has been great, but I'm SO ready for my boys to go back to school. They need the structure that school brings that I'm just so horrible at delivering. It's times like this where I wonder how ANYONE can homeschool their kids. Yikes.

So this summer, we packed in a LOT of stuff. New stuff that the boys hadn't been exposed to before. I'm not so worried about Meredith this summer, as I can't imagine that she'll actually remember anything that we did... so this summer was about the boys (well, and the grown ups, but do we actually count anyways?). In June, we road-tripped to Philadelphia for a friend's wedding. It was a pretty quick trip, but the boys remember a lot of what we did, so that's a bonus. It's amazing the stuff they remember. Random stuff. Like the fact that Betsy Ross suggested to George Washington that the flag should have 5 point stars instead of 6 point stars because they're easier to cut out. In July, we went for our annual trip to Michigan, but kicked it off with a quick trip to Mackinac Island where we rode our bikes around the island. The thing that the boys remember about this trip? That the island is pronounced MackiNAW, not MackiNAC. They brought this point up when we were on a boat tour in Chicago the other day and the recorded tour was talking about the boat race from Chicago to MackiNAC island and the boys kept saying, "they've got it wrong! It's MackiNAW!" (so they ARE related to me!).

This summer was great. The boys were very sweet to their little sister, who has also come a long way this summer. At the beginning of the summer, she still was very limited in her talking, where as now, while she still has a long way to go, she babbles and repeats with the best of them.

This summer has been good. Fast, but good. And for next year, we need to remember to not front-load the summer. August drags EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Must plan a getaway in August next year. I'd love to do a train trip (we've only talked about it for 3 years, never being able to actually go), but we'll see. Maybe my parents will finally come through on the whole "let's have the boys come stay with us for a week at camp Gramma and Grampa". Oh, the luxury that would be...

Don't know if I'm ready for this

As a mom of boys, I've been pretty darn lucky. Yes, there are moments when I'm sure that my boys will end up killing each other because they're just so PHYSICAL with each other. For the most part, we've avoided drama (except for the obvious times when I'm the "worst mom in the whole world", usually because I've not let them watch 4 hours of Pokemon or allowed them to have McDonald's for a second lunch), which, hearing from my mom of girls friends, is a blessing (although I suppose it's just a matter of time for my share of that too). I'm just not sure if I'm ready for my boys to "like" someone.

I might have entered that world already.

Yesterday, we were at the zoo with some friends, and TJ starts walking with his friend, a girl, who will be in 3rd grade in the fall (ooooh, older women!). They were kind of by themselves, a few steps to the side of us. It was very obvious that there was something going on there. I asked him later what they were talking about, to which he immediately replies, "Nothing".

THIS is the clue. Really? A "nothing" that quickly really only means one thing: it was something. I tried to blow it off, not make a big deal of it, "were you talking about Harry Potter?" (they're both reading the books this summer) to which he immediately responded "No." Oh geez. I'm in for it now.

HE'S GOING TO BE IN SECOND GRADE. Lord help me now.

Awesome timing

In the words of my friend Natalie, "Seriously?"

We've actually made plans (reservations and all!) to go out to dinner tonight with my in-laws who will be in town. Granted, we're not going late, but still... dinner in a somewhat nice restaurant. OF COURSE today is the day that my usually awesome napping daughter cuts her nap and only takes a third of the nap that she usually takes. She seems to be in a good mood at the moment, but I'm sure that will change when we decide that it's time to leave for dinner.

This comes on the heels of a news story that I saw yesterday about this one restaurant (and apparently, it's a growing trend) that has become a "kid free" restaurant. It's all because some parents like to think that the world should revolve around them and their children, and the little cherubs can (basically) get away with just about anything because, well, they're just being kids. Whatever.

We all have those moments where our kids make us insane, make us look like we have no clue as to how to parent, and those are almost always witnessed by someone we know. Case in point: when I had to shove my middle child into the car so that we could go to church (oh the irony) as he's screaming, "BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO!" And, of course, my friend Katie is driving by as I'm doing this. At least she understands (or at least she led me to believe that she did). People without kids don't always get it.

I GET that kids shouldn't have free reign over every situation. I'm not in that school of thought at all. But for dopey, inept parents to ruin it for the rest of us who are just trying their best... well, that sucks. But I guess it's life.

Here's hoping that the place we're going tonight doesn't want to turn "kid-free" after we dine there tonight.

questions and answers

So my husband and I have sort of an ongoing joke with our middle child. Don't get me wrong, Will is a really awesome, bright kid, who I adore. However, he's not always the most observant one in our family. For example: we were on vacation in June and it had been raining pretty hard for at least 20 minutes. Will looks up and says, "it's raining?" Another example: yesterday, Tom went to work actually OUT of the house, and in the afternoon we were playing outside and I see Tom coming down the street. I say, "Look, here comes Dad." Meredith starts yelling "Da! Da! Da!" over and over while Tom is driving down the street (probably 10-15 seconds worth). Tom pulls in the driveway and Will says, "Mom! Dad's home! Dad's home!" Really? I hadn't noticed.

Will is constantly unaware of what day it is, whether it's a school day or the weekend, what season it might be (I joked with him the other day and said, "it's Christmas!" He replied with "Really?!"). I just don't know whether he's just really unaware or just THAT trusting.

So today, TJ comes downstairs with his school calculator that I had asked him to find (in a strange, out of body experience of being TOTALLY un-Jen yesterday, I went out and got most of the school supplies and put them all in the kids' new backpacks so it would be DONE. Will kept telling me, "Mom, I think we have more than enough time to do this later. We have almost a month.") so we wouldn't have to think about it any more. When I told TJ to just put it in his new backpack with his other school supplies, Will says, "Is today the first day of school?" Of course I immediately said no, but Tom suggested that I should have said yes, just to screw with him. I KNOW that his reply would have been "NOOOOOOO!!!".

I guess I LIKE the fact that he's always asking questions, but I just don't get how he can't seem to ever have any concept of what's actually happening. I know there are other kids out there that are the same way, I have friends that have told me as much. Maybe it's a middle child thing? All the kids I can think of that are like this are middle kids. I'm just afraid of that one day when I won't be the source of the answer to his questions. Sigh.